How Improving Your Relationship Starts in the Bedroom
I used to be thoroughly confused when it came to sexual relationships. I thought that if I completely pleased my partner in bed then he would come back for more and would want to stay with me. I thought this is how to capture a man’s heart.
Sometimes this included sacrificing my own pleasure and pretending I was enjoying my partner’s sexual favors so I wouldn't offend his efforts.
Because I wasn’t being genuine about my own pleasure, not only the bedroom was lacking with the depth of intimacy I craved but the rest of the relationship suffered because I wasn’t showing up in my truth.
Sure, we were having sexual intimacy, but the heart connection wasn’t there.
This happened because I held a core belief that I wasn’t worthy enough to be cared for and loved in the most vulnerable parts of myself.
I became frustrated to the point of finally searching my soul for answers. I learned I wasn’t being true to myself.
But to be true to myself meant my being vulnerable and deeply witnessed by my partner while in my depth of pleasure. This was frightening.
I wanted to run. But I wanted to run from the thing I wanted the most. An intimate heart connection with my partner in the bedroom.
So I decided to give myself the space I needed to integrate my authenticity of pleasure, a beautiful alchemy started to happen.
I talked about it with him.
I shared how I needed space to explore myself with him in a new way that was true to me. I shared how not speaking in the bedroom was a program I had inherited, and I wanted to shake it off. I shared how I wanted to start communicating what feels good for me and asked him if he would like to learn when his actions weren’t working.
He said yes.
He started to honor the process of my pleasure. Even when it was a bumpy ride and even when I forgot to listen to myself. I would stop and tune in.
His honoring my truth with pleasure started to filter into the rest of our relationship.
As I became more authentic with my partner about my own needs and pleasure, the more my partner became available for intimacy inside and outside of the bedroom. We started to connect in ways that I had deeply longed for.
People usually go to relationship coaches to have a deeper, more intimate bond. But from my perspective, some of the most profound and permeating work happens in the bedroom.
When a man sees a woman receiving authentic pleasure from his actions, he wants more of it because it makes him feel really good. He gets to support the making of a Goddess in the bedroom.
Women just get more and more beautiful when they are in their Authentic Pleasure.
And against what we’ve been taught, men usually appreciate directness. And when they know what works for you they feel fulfilled too. Even if years have passed without communication. Be humble. Ask if he’d like to hold space for you while you deepen into your relationship with pleasure.
The Goddess enters the building and she’s available to be worshiped.
Sometimes it takes a period of shedding off layers that come from our lineages of women before us. Bless them, they did their best.
Sometimes it’s reclaiming ourselves from emotional or physical abusive situations. Bless us, we did our best.
Sometimes it’s taking the time to love ourselves in places where we never thought we’d get to ....ever.
Not owning our pleasure comes at a real cost.
The cost of our depth of connectedness with our partners. It’s the cost of our living in our deepest truth.
When we navigate by our truth, we can fulfill our soul’s purpose.
And because we usually have programs that put everyone before us, we can put ourselves last. Until, if we’re lucky, we become frustrated enough to step forward and care about this deeply vulnerable part of ourselves.
Caring for our pleasure is an integral core of self care. We’ve been disconnected from the gifts it brings of joy and connection for a really long time, generations upon generations.
We’ve forgotten how essential it is to feel really awake and living the depth of who we genuinely are. Pleasure is the key back home.
A good place to start is just gently asking if you are being true to your pleasure.
Listen to your heart as it whispers back to you.
Open back up to the depth of pleasure in your sex life, book a
Free 20 Minute Consultation with me to see how The Succulent Peach Breakthrough program may be right for you.